Wondering

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing down here. What the heck am I doing in small town of 200 people in South West Saskatchewan. How are the plans that I have in mind for my life ever going to happen down here. I know that God has a bigger plan, God sees the big picture. God brought me here. But I hate not seeing the reason. All my friends are gone, on to new and bigger things. Why can't I leave.

God obviously brought me here. He dragged me out of Calgary three years ago, then opened my eyes and let me see very clearly why I had to get out. I don't think I could've got myself out if I had stayed, and it might have been too late.

I started working and completing more schooling 45 min north in a town of about 1800 people. Then this job opened up. I wasn't even considering it until my boss told me I should. That this might get me some good experience and I should at least look into it. So I did. I applied for the job, telling God that even tho I had just moved into an apartment 2 months earlier, if I was offered the job, I would trust Him and take it. I didn't want to move AGAIN. But God opened that door, and I walked through it.

So here I am. I have been here for 1 year and 4 months. It has been hard. God provides and I have more than enough to keep me busy. The community is great, the church is welcoming and supportive. But my childhood dreams are not falling into place as I had planned. Again I know God has His own timing. I need to continue to be patient. When I have been feeling the worst God has brought people into my life that have been lifting me up and encouraging me. But its still a struggle.

I don't feel called to go anywhere else, I am both content and restless here. In the past God has put an idea in the back of my mind of where I could go, where I could just SEE if there was a job opening or something. Right now there is none. I feel I need to stay, for now. It is hard to be content when everyone around me is moving forward with their lives. I feel like I'm stuck.

There is a song that keeps coming into my mind called Use Me Here. We used to sing it in one of my old youth groups. I think maybe as far back as Grades 8 or 9.

Use me here, where I am
I'm not gonna pray anymore that you'll change your plans.

Despite my fear, I place my life in your hands.
The future can wait, tomorrow might be too late.

So Jesus use me here.